she fixes her lips they
always look perfect
never a smudged line
never too much
i try on my blue shirt
she told me she liked it
she wonders what I'll wear
she knows just what she'll wear
she always wears blue
so sneakers or flip flops
i'm starting to panic
remember she asked you
remember to breathe
and everything
will be okay

dashboard confessional - remember to breathe

there are some mornings (well actually, afternoons) when i awake and already i know its going to be a bad day. most of the time it turns out to be an accurate prediction.

i cant say for sure what it is thats bugging me so much, but in many ways i feel all types of malcontent. this isnt a regression to the days of teen angst but...i dont even know what to call it except pathetic. i count my blessings before i go to bed everynight and i pray for the safekeeping of my family and friends. yet, i still manage to engulf myself with an overwhelming sense of nothingness.

histrionics aside, im trying to make some sense of all that is happening around me because this negativity is creeping me out. i want to go back to the way i was because i have to be there for the people who count on my optimism. a fat lot of good commiseration will do for you when what you really need is someone to tell you how things will only get better from here.

nada surf - if you leave

(AT CLAUD'S INSISTENCE: WARNING! EMO POSTING)

i know the constant nostalgia may be getting a little tired, but indulge me one more time so i can feel a little better. okay, thats not a very fair statement, but i am feeling somewhat disconnected and other what disparaged. maybe its the insurmountable workload, maybe its the weather...or maybe i finally realized how i've been pirouetting around the same spot for the past year or so, moving but going nowhere.

early on, i earmarked 2004 as the year of forgiveness, the year to live and let live. granted, i've barely made progress in that regard...but learning to talk to lynn for who she was and not who i heard she was, was the smartest thing i've ever done in a long time (perhaps the smartest thing all year). and then theres kev, pint-sized prizefighter, fashionista and the most sincere person i've met in awhile. and claud, who's humbled me in her kind and thoughtful ways, is a source of happiness i find myself always tapping into. and sam, last here but first in my life, i could never really articulate the things you mean to me, but i try nevertheless...

i miss the laughter and the perilous adventures, the car rides and the hotel havoc, the good food and the copious amounts of coffee. i miss the endless chatter and the annoying jabs my way. i miss it all terribly.

halloween alaska - all the arms around you